We’re All Anxious
by Sean Caliendo (SoulArts)
Recently, I had a very validating experience. Before competing at big events, I usually have a tough experience dealing with my anxiety. My stomach starts killing me, and I spend a good chunk of time in the bathroom leading up to the bracket. Before my phase 1 pool at Port Priority, I was in the bathroom for my routine experience, and as I was waiting, one of my friends and a local top player (who I was looking for just prior to this) came out of a stall that I was waiting for. I mentioned that I was looking for him and he said “yeah, I was in here. I had to take my pre-bracket sh*t. It’s your body telling you that you’re scared”. In that moment something clicked. I didn’t feel alone in my experience. For so long I thought that these experiences, fighting with my stomach, succumbing to the negative symptoms of anxiety, was something unique to me. I alone have had these experiences because I was weird or something. This moment however made me realize that is absolutely not the case. Many people experience Performance Anxiety. Even though much of my career path is built off of that fact alone, sometimes you need these moments to validate your own experiences.
Fast forward to a few moments after. I’m in the winner's finals of my pool, about to fight the 90th best player in the world: Furararamen. I felt pretty confident about what I needed to do. However, I was told that we’ll be playing on the main stream. My heart sank. I remembered GOML, playing on that mainstream and just how nervous I was. Waiting for almost 40 minutes for our match to reach its spot in the cue, so nervous I was almost shaking. I lost that match because I couldn’t get over my nerves. I was so focused on the idea of being nervous and trying to not be nervous that it took so much of my attentional process away from the match at hand. As I came back to reality from these horrific flashbacks, something different happened. I thought back to my interaction with my friend in the bathroom, and just what that meant. Everyone experiences these types of nerves.
From the MkLeo’s to the 0-2ers of the bracket, many, if not all of us experience performance anxiety. We can utilize a ton of mental tools and techniques to help us overcome this anxiety. As a Mental Performance Coach, my job is to teach these skills. Knowing them as well as I do, of course I try to use them when I can. The thing is, not everyone is perfect. Even with these tools we will sometimes still succumb to our anxiety. So what do we do then? Sometimes the only way forward is to play through it. We can’t always get our nerves to 0, but we can take them down to a manageable range and perform within that space. Players who win don’t get rid of their fears and anxiety; they are able to execute in spite of it.
So here is something you can work with - labeling. It’s a very simple activity: acknowledge what you feel and accept it. Be kind to yourself while doing so. Something like “I’m anxious and that’s okay”. Research shows that the initial emotional response is a chemical reaction that lasts only 90 seconds - unless you let it stay. By feeding it thoughts and resistance, these emotions can last a simple 90 seconds to the full length of a game or even the whole set. Don’t try to fight or analyze your emotions; acknowledge them and shift your focus back to your performance or goals. So when your hands start to feel clammy, your breath becomes more rapid, and your heart starts racing, let it pass. By labeling, we can step away from ourselves and look at our emotions for what they are and nothing more. It’s the same across any kind of performance, whether it be sport, eSports, music, etc - there will be moments you simply cannot escape the pressure and that is okay. The best do not wait for the perfect conditions to perform, they simply trudge through the chaos and do what they can. So can you - keep at it!
